


when you're thinking about me (text 69)

by ladililn



Series: texting 'verse [2]
Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-04 00:09:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladililn/pseuds/ladililn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire wants to try sexting.  It does not go as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when you're thinking about me (text 69)

**Author's Note:**

> Because instead of putting in actual effort into more meaningful stories (or, you know, finals), I could just write another installment of texting!fic, this time with more sex and double the ridiculous. Further apologies to Marius Pontmercy, who takes it like a champ. ~~Crossed out writing means a text was typed but not sent.~~ As always, comments very much appreciated! ♥

_Sunday, 5:36 p.m._

**Grantaire** : so what’s it going to take to get you to bend me over your kitchen table & fuck me so hard i feel you in me for a week? ;)

 **Courfeyrac** : probably a lot of wine tbh

 **Grantaire** : oh fuck, sorry courf.  meant to send that to marius

 **Courfeyrac** : oh of course no problem

by which I mean WHAT

 **Grantaire** : sometimes when i get bored i sext marius & then follow it up w/ “oops sorry that was supposed to go to enjolras”

i’ve done it like six times now and he still hasn’t worked out i’m doing it on purpose

it’s pretty gr8

 **Courfeyrac** : ah well thats a relief i was afraid id have to challenge you to a duel

 **Grantaire** : yes, because cheating on enjolras with marius is totally something i’d do

 **Courfeyrac** : well yes for that but mostly i meant for sexting marius at all

if anyones sexting marius its going to be ME

or cosette i suppose

 **Grantaire** : or eponine

 **Courfeyrac** : ah yes, no more absinthe for that one, eh

also just to be clear you dont really ever have sex on enjolras’ kitchen table do you

i mean its not particularly sturdy, im worried for your safety

also worried for my health b/c i have eaten at that table multiple times

 **Grantaire** : uh

i’m gonna try sending that msg to marius again okay bye

 **Courfeyrac** : ur the worst

 

_Sunday, 5:54 p.m._

**Grantaire** : so what’s it going to take to get you to bend me over your kitchen table & fuck me so hard i feel you in me for a week? ;)

 **Marius** : oh god

sorry R it’s me again

i don’t know why this keeps happening.  it’s probably my fault.

maybe something’s wrong with my phone?

 **Grantaire** : oops!  sorry about that :)

 

_Sunday, 5:58 p.m._

**Grantaire** : so???

 **Bahorel** : he got the text 3 min ago & he still looks like a tomato

 **Grantaire** : classic

 

_Monday, 6:17 p.m._

**Grantaire** : hey when are you done with class?

 **Enjolras** : not for another hour or two, I think.  this review session feels like it’s going to take a while.

 **Grantaire** : well let me know if/when you feel like coming over.  or i could go over there.  we could do a review session IN MY PANTS

 **Enjolras** : that doesn’t make any sense.

 **Grantaire** : yeah, i know

pretty sure it would make marius blush, tho

 **Enjolras** : what?

 **Grantaire** : never mind

 

_Monday, 8:49 p.m._

**Joly:** do you think i use too much cinnamon in my snickerdoodles?

 **Grantaire** : do youu think im incapapble of sincerity?/

 **Joly:** what?

 **Grantaire** : idk

just

u knowq how i make jokes when im uncomfortble?

 **Joly:** NO

 **Grantaire** : theres nothinggg attractive about sacrasm jolllllly

 **Joly** : HA

 **Grantaire** : well aNyway sometimes imake jokes when im uncomfortable

 **Joly** : like that time i complimented you on your scarf (bc it brought out the color of your eyes!) & you said you stole it from a man you strangled and dumped in the river

 **Grantaire** : what does that evne have to do with anythng

 **Joly** : it means you’re incapable of taking a compliment

which is NOT the same thing as being incapable of sincerity so???

 **Grantaire** : or maybe i really did kill that man what do u know

ANYWAY

 **Joly** : okay but wait first how drunk are you and are you alone right now

 **Grantaire** : only a lilll i swear

im in bed w a bottle of wine n neftlix its fine

messy mmonday yeahhh

9pm.  drinking FUCKYEAH

 **Joly** : okay

drink lots of water

 **Grantaire** : thatsnot the poinT

theres nothign sexy about hte phrase ”party in mypants”; is there

 **Joly** : um, not really?

 **Grantaire** : thats whta i thought

but idk all the actually sexyy stuff is so  painfully cliche nd i cant take it srslsy

or i guess

i just get self concsious u know

or u think that HE wont tkae me srrsly so i turn itinto a joke b4 anyone can laugh ! me

@me

hm

 **Joly** : what are we even talking about

maybe you should go to bed

also please dont text anyone else, i dont want you to get in trouble

 **Grantaire** : sigh fine ill try agian tomor row

wish me luck

i can do dit

itll be so hot just u wait

 **Joly** : maybe i should ask someone else about my snickerdoodles

 

_Monday, 10:06 p.m._

**Grantaire** : heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 **Enjolras** : hey yourself

we just finished, finally

should I come over?

 **Grantaire** : heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 **Enjolras** : we already did this part.

**Grantaire** : ~~wanfalk come ovre n htelb fucdk mee rela; real goodn hardddddsdj;a~~

_12 minutes later_

**Enjolras** : was that it?

_11 minutes later_

**Enjolras** : maybe another night, then.

 

_Wednesday, 2:19 p.m._

**Grantaire** : hey

what’re you wearing? ;0

*;)

 **Enjolras** : for the last time, just because this shirt is red and plaid it does not make me look like a Canadian lumberjack.

and even if it did, it was only funny the first three times.

 **Grantaire** : not actually what i meant but

nvm

 **Enjolras** : okay

if you need to borrow any of my clothes go ahead if that’s what you meant

are you still at my apartment?

 **Grantaire** : nope nope we’re all good carry on

see you later

 **Enjolras** : okay

 

_Wednesday, 2:31 p.m._

**Grantaire** : just for curiosity’s sake have you ever sexted anyone

 **Eponine** : …are you trying to bring up the incident with the absinthe so you can laugh at me?

that is a low blow mister

 **Grantaire** : no no no not referring to that at all

i was just wondering

like in general

 **Eponine** : …maybe.  why?

 **Grantaire** : no reason just curious haha

um

so how did you…start?

 **Eponine** : are you asking me for advice on how to sext your boyfriend?

 **Grantaire** : haha what no

emphatically no

i mean

sort of yes?

 **Eponine** : omg

 **Grantaire** : i swear to god eponine

TELL NO ONE

 **Eponine** : LIKE I WOULD

YOURE THE ONE WHO BLABBED ABOUT THE ABSINTHE THING ALL OVER TOWN

 **Grantaire** : fair point

although i don’t think telling courfeyrac is the same thing as blabbing about it all over town

anyway he asked

he wanted to know why marius was choking on his food

my blabbing could very well have saved marius’ life

 **Eponine** : if you want my help you d better stfu now

 **Grantaire** : shutting

 **Eponine** : some begging also wouldnt hurt

 **Grantaire** : PLEASE eponine.  please help me in my noble quest to virtually fuck my boyfriend.  please.  i’m on my knees.  begging.  i need you.

 **Eponine** : well i can’ see we’re already off to a fantastic start if you want to go for the D/s kinda sexting

okay start simple…like: thinking of you

 **Grantaire** : winky face??  NO WINKY FACE??  AHHHH

 **Eponine** : i don’t think you should try the winky face until you have more experience under your belt

proper execution of the winky face is some next level shit

 

_Wednesday, 2:45 p.m._

**Grantaire** : thinking of you

 **Enjolras** : you too

 

_Wednesday, 2:46 p.m._

**Grantaire** : he said you too!!!

 **Eponine** : good start!  okay now try something like: bored…

(its good to keep it short.  this is gonna turn into you talking about jerking off, fyi.  protip: always use lots of ellipses, its v come hither))

 **Grantaire** : this is a super weird text convo to be having with one of my best friends

 **Eponine** : deal with it

 

_Wednesday, 2:49 p.m._

**Grantaire** : so bored…

 **Enjolras** : you could try watching the west wing DVDs I lent you.

 **Grantaire** : haha no

not really in the mood for that rn

 **Enjolras** : well regardless, you should at least try the pilot.

 **Grantaire** : i actually already did

 **Enjolras** : really?  when?

 **Grantaire** : like a week ago

i finished the whole first season

but anyway

 **Enjolras** : what did you think?

 **Grantaire** : ~~super bored…~~

i liked it

 **Enjolras** : and?

 **Grantaire** : and what?

 **Enjolras** : come on, what’d you think?

 **Grantaire** : i liked it

 **Enjolras** : what were your favorite parts?

 **Grantaire** : …i hated it

 **Enjolras** : what?  why?

 **Grantaire** : i don’t know

i mean, look, i get it, it’s clever and liberal and super idealistic yay

basically catnip for you

but like

aaron sorkin is the worst

 **Enjolras** : because he’s clever and liberal and “super idealistic yay”?

 **Grantaire** : no because he’s pretentious as fuck

and i’ve seen episodes of the newsroom too okay

he doesn’t make tv shows he makes self satisfied political manifestos and then adds plot

he uses tv as a bully pulpit and every character who doesn’t share his exact political opinions is a fucking strawman idiot

and don’t even get me started on president mary fucking sue

hello wish fulfillment 101

 **Enjolras** : you haven’t even seen the whole show!

 **Grantaire** : no but i did extensive research on wikipedia

 **Enjolras** : yes, that’s totally the same thing.

Jed Bartlet is actually a really fascinating character. he gets more and more complex as the show goes on, trust me.

 **Grantaire** : ~~sure if by fascinating you mean~~

 

_Wednesday, 3:03 p.m._

**Eponine** : well how’s it going??  i assume good!

 **Grantaire** : uh

well we’re talking about aaron sorkin

 **Eponine** : what

is that some sort of euphemism

 **Grantaire** : yeah no i guess we sorta got off track

 **Eponine** : well get back ON

 **Grantaire** : HOW

 **Eponine** : FIGURE IT OUT

 

_Wednesday, 3:06 p.m._

**Grantaire** : haha well anyway

i’m in bed right now…

 **Enjolras** : at three in the afternoon?  that’s bad even for you.

don’t you have class right now?

 **Grantaire** : uh…

…

…………………

 **Enjolras** : is something wrong with your phone?

 

_Wednesday, 3:10 p.m._

**Grantaire** : help the ellipses aren’t working

 **Eponine** : i have a feeling you’re doing it wrong

 

_Wednesday, 3:11 p.m._

**Courfeyrac** : were in class jfc stop sexting your boyfriend

and/or marius

 **Grantaire** : i’m NOT sexting him

THATS THE PROBLEM

 **Courfeyrac** : k just so were clear the him in question here is enjolras right

 **Grantaire** : uh yes

haha never mind just ignore me i was kidding

everything’s FINE

 **Courfeyrac** : yes clearly you look fine

 **Grantaire** : shut up

 

_Wednesday, 3:14 p.m._

**Enjolras** : alright, let’s pick up this debate later on.  I’m gonna turn my phone off for a while, I’m in the library and have to concentrate.

 **Grantaire** : okay!  sounds good!  have fun studying!

 **Enjolras** : love you

 **Grantaire** : you too!

 

_Wednesday, 3:16 p.m._

**Grantaire** : A;DLJFA;SDFJS;AFJSAFOIEHGBNKSLFJS;FJ ARRRRRGH

 **Eponine** : you may be beyond my help

 

_Thursday, 11:56 a.m._

**Grantaire** : i give up, it’s hopeless.  enjolras and i are doomed to a sextless relationship and that’s that

 **Joly** : WHAT????

YOURE NOT HAVING SEX?????

 **Grantaire** : sexTless, joly

 **Joly** : oh

OHHHH

is THAT what you were drunktexting me about the other day?

 **Grantaire** : um.  probably.

 **Joly** : that does put things in context

kind of

 **Grantaire** : were snickerdoodles involved somehow?  why do i remember snickerdoodles?

 **Joly** : that’s not important, feuilly apologized

 **Grantaire** : whatever, the whole thing’s stupid

i mean dirty talk during sex is one thing, right, you don’t really have to think about it too much, and i can do sexual innuendo like nobody’s business, but those are rarely actually SEXY.  mostly they’re just funny.

actually enjolras usually just rolls his eyes when i make an innuendo so i’m not sure he finds them sexy OR funny

 **Joly** : why is it so important for you to be able to text enjolras anyway?

*sext

jeez that word

 **Grantaire** : idk i guess it isn’t

it’s just

i don’t want him to get bored with me?

 **Joly** : oh R

 **Grantaire** : shut up

ugh let’s just pretend i didn’t say that

type

whatever

 **Joly** : R, come on

you know that’s not gonna happen

 **Grantaire** : sure

i mean

but it could

 **Joly** : no it couldn’t

and certainly not because of something sexual

you know enjolras doesn’t have that much experience right

 **Grantaire** : i know!!  that’s the problem!!!  i mean, look, enjolras is naturally amazing at EVERYTHING, right, whether he has experience at it or not, he just picks it up and BAM, perfection.  which is great, but when it comes to sex, I’M the one with more experience, and i feel like he probably…expects me to know what i’m doing??  and i mean, i have had a lot of sex, obviously.  but does that make me an expert??  am i qualified???  what ARE the sex expert qualifications??? and doesn’t enjolras deserve somebody who’s REALLY a sexpert, since he’s so naturally gifted, to shape and mold his innate talent??  what if i can't step up??  like, what if he’s always wanted to try sexting but has never gotten the opportunity??  and he’s waiting patiently for me to initiate it because he assumes i’ve done it before but the only sexting i’ve ever done is booty calls like hey wanna come over and fuck and he’s ENJOLRAS he deserves more romantic subtlety than that but i’m apparently INCAPABLE so

_2 minutes later_

**Joly** : okay whoa

um a couple of things

first of all never send gigantic texts like that again

your thumbs probably hurt and you might have killed my phone with all the buzzing

secondly don’t use the word sexpert even ironically that’s so much worse than sext

thirdly holy projection, batman

you’re being stupid

 **Grantaire** : yeah

i know

 **Joly** : really really stupid

 **Grantaire** : okay i get it

 **Joly** : you do know that enjolras isn’t expecting anything of you, right?  not like that

he loves you

and don’t you dare make a joke right now okay

 **Grantaire** : ~~haha who me i would never~~

~~if you think about it "he loves you" is already inherently kind of a joke~~

okay

 **Joly** : good

 **Grantaire** : i mean it’s also just that enjolras is busy a lot and i get horny sometimes when he’s gone and sexting seems like a natural solution

 **Joly** : look R i am 100% here for the emotional support but if you want actual sexting advice you’re going to have to go to courfeyrac or eponine or really just anyone not me, please

there has already been way more discussion of enjolras’ sexual preferences/abilities in this conversation than i’m really comfortable with

 **Grantaire** : i already tried them

they’re the worst

maybe i should ask marius' advice

 **Joly** : hasn't he suffered enough

 **Grantaire** : i don't know what you're talking about 

 

_Thursday, 1:10 p.m._

**Enjolras** : do you have any idea why Marius is refusing to eat at the table in my apartment

 **Grantaire** : haha no

 

_Thursday, 7:10 p.m._

**Courfeyrac** : have you tried just having an honest conversation with e about whether or not hed like to try sexting and how hed like to go about it

 **Grantaire** : oh god

is this like a thing now

is this everybody’s latest project??  R’s having a mental breakdown, let’s all pitch in to help him send dick pics to his boyfriend

 **Courfeyrac** : of course not

wait dick pics???  i thought this was just about literary sexting!  im going to have to adjust my entire lesson plan if there are images involved

whats the verdict on short video clips??

 **Grantaire** : please stop texting me.

 

_Friday, 3:27 p.m._

**Grantaire** : hey

 **Enjolras** : hey

 **Grantaire** : got any plans tonight?

 **Enjolras** : not really.  I’m stuck on campus for another three hours or so, but then I’m free for the rest of the day.

_6 minutes later_

**Enjolras** : R?

 **Grantaire** : okay.  wanna come over?

 **Enjolras** : that sounds nice.

 **Grantaire** : can’t wait to see you.  and feel you.

_3 minutes later_

**Enjolras** : feel me?

 **Grantaire** : ~~feel your touch~~

~~like in a sexy way~~

~~IN YOUR PANTS~~

~~so what’s it going to take to get you to bend me over your kitchen table & fuck me so hard I feel you in me for a week? ;)~~

_5 minutes later_

**Enjolras** : Grantaire?

 **Grantaire** : haha never mind

anyway

looking forward to tonight maybe we can watch more of the west wing haha

 **Enjolras** : R.  what’s going on?  you’ve been acting strangely all week.

 **Grantaire** : what?  no i haven’t

wait, what did courfeyrac tell you?? 

oh god

did MARIUS say something when he was over yesterday???

 **Enjolras** : what?  no.

 **Grantaire** : oh

well never mind haha

 **Enjolras** : I do mind, actually.

what’s going on?

 **Grantaire** : nothing i just

uh

nothing

 **Enjolras** : is this about the sexting thing?

 **Grantaire** : WHAT

i mean what

?

 **Enjolras** : because if you’re asking whether Marius told me about the sexually explicit texts he keeps getting from you, then the answer is yes.

he wanted to apologize for getting in the way of our sex life, which is a very sweet, Marius thing to do.

 **Grantaire** : oh god

 **Enjolras** : I think he was actually considering taking his phone into the Apple store it get it to stop intercepting “our texts.”

I was a little surprised, because “Enjolras” and “Marius” aren’t really close enough alphabetically for you to be making this mistake so repeatedly and with such specificity of subject matter.

 **Grantaire** : actually i have marius saved in my phone as darling pontmercy so shows what you know

 **Enjolras** : Grantaire.

 **Grantaire** : que?  quoi?  qui?

_3 minutes later_

look, it’s not really important

i mean, i know it’s stupid.  “sexy texts” are kind of a hard thing to take seriously haha

(which is why i send them to marius in the first place, obv)

 **Enjolras** : do you WANT to take it seriously?

 **Grantaire** : this conversation is the worst

 **Enjolras** : ?

 **Grantaire** : ARGH.  i mean…if you want to?  i guess?  i don’t know, i just thought it might be kind of a fun thing to do

i mean.  a hot thing to do.

but if you have no interest in it i totally understand haha like i said it’s really not important kinda stupid

 **Enjolras** : it’s not stupid

 **Grantaire** : so…

you’re interested?

haha

 **Enjolras** : well...

I don’t know that I’d be very good at it…

 **Grantaire** : i mean i know for a fact i’m definitely not

so it’s probably not even worth it haha

 **Enjolras** : conceptually, it is an interesting idea…

 **Grantaire** : that’s what i said about the west wing

 **Enjolras** : the thing is, to be honest, I’m really more eloquent when speaking than in writing.

 **Grantaire** : okay but

…wait

phone sex?

 **Enjolras** : calling you now

 

_1 week later_

**Grantaire** : really wanting you in me right now…

 **Marius** : R, it’s me again…

 **Grantaire** : OH SHIT

I 100% DID NOT MEAN TO DO THAT THIS TIME FUCK

 **Marius** : it’s ok

wait

“this time”?


End file.
